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(More customer reviews)After moving into my new house, I thought to myself that I should buy a new truck to make myself appear even more bad-ass than I actually am (which is an almost impossible feat). My four-door Ford Excursion, the largest SUV in Ford's lineup and a gas-guzzling monstrosity, did not have the same impression on my new neighbors as it did on my old friends back at the trailer park. Perhaps I needed something more elegant? Maybe something with enough interior space to seat the entire block and their families? So I traded my Ford in for a Lincoln Navigator, the full-size SUV styled and equipped for an upscale audience. Since my new ride shares the bulk of its underpinnings with the Ford Expedition, including its standard 310-horsepower 5.4-liter V8 and six-speed automatic transmission, I thought, "Finally, I'll get some respect from these ignorant suburbanites..."
Turns out, nobody seemed to care much about my mammoth vehicle (except for, maybe, the parents of the three-year-old kid that I accidentally ran down, because, well, he was just too short and I couldn't see him from my driver's seat nearly six feet off the ground). Instead of buying yet another truck--something bigger and badder than before--I happened upon these fabulous Truck Nuts. And to make a long story short, people in my neighborhood finally seemed to take notice. If it's true that your vehicle is an extension of your penis, then these nuts are the perfect accessory. They inspire awe and jealousy in everyone who see them. Now my neighbors stare intently at me in my truck as I barrel down the street. Some of the women even grab at their children, covering their eyes, afraid that my ostentatious show of virility might tempt their virgin daughters into a life of wickedness and sin. These Truck Nuts have given me what I deserve: respect, reverence, and attention. And best of all, I didn't have to buy a new truck to teach my neighbors the meaning of the word "authority."
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